weekend funnn.

You guys have no idea how many times i’ve gotten on my computer started writing, but then ended up stopping for some stupid reason like sleep and shit. I have so much stuff to tell you guys!!! Okay so lets start this from the beginning. Lets sayyyy…May 4th!
Heheh okay so I got my license!!! You have no idea how happy I was! Free at last!! haha Then after that I went to Viva Ska Vegas!!!! and saw REEL BIG FISH!!!!! omgnbtnurj. They were fucking amazing!!!! haha I love ska soooo much!!! it was incredible. lol 
The rest of that week was boring. Sooo Next weekend!!!…
I went to my friend’s house and she has a new boyfriend, so of course all we did was talk about her new boy toy. I was all happy for her and shit, but he lives in another fucking state. Kudos to her cause I don’t know if I’d ever be able to be in a long distance relationship….well Idk. Maybe I can… that could be what keeps the relationship interesting. I hate clingy people so maybe I could do that…hmm don’t knock it until you try it, right? haha ANYWAY after I left her house I went to pick up my friend from work and then we went to the movies and saw pain and gain. That movie was fucking hilarious. Specially since me and her lift. We got all the gym jokes ahahah. But I still can’t believe that movie was a true fucking story. Seriously, like what the fuck. Mind = Blown. Then that night I got a really bad anxiety attack. It really freaked me out. I started thinking some crazy stuff, and all I can say is i’m glad I’m still here right now. It really scared me…
The next week was boring too…So on to the weekend! which was yesterday/today lol
So yesterday was my best friends baby shower and it was sooo boring. We were there for 2 hours and we only played one game, which was take a ribbon and guess how big her belly is. that was it. Then she opened her presents and the baby got some REALLY cool stuff. It got a fucking Jacuzzi!!! What kinda baby needs a jacuzzi?!?! lol So my friends and I just left early cause that night was PROM!! Guess who didn’t go?? This chick. lol My friend and I just went to the after parties. I loved the first one we went to cause the house was sooooo nice. The guy who lived there was freaking rich!!! There wasn’t many people there which are the types of parties i like, specially since all the people were funny and faded haha, but my friend wanted to go to a bigger house party. I was like why??? You don’t even fucking drink or do shit?? lol So we went to this other party and everyone was fucking wasted or high on shrooms. Right when we walked in we saw this guy passed the fuck out on the floor. lol Classy. So we talk to random people but didn’t drink or anything cause my friend is super christian and I’m the designated driver. It was fun, but I wish we had stayed at that other party. Oh well. I graduate from high school in 2 1/2 weeks. Finally. lol next week is senior week and I’m so fucking excited.

Epiphany…

Alright. So I just got done having an extremely enlightening conversation with my mother about this whole Bunny situation.

Well, we were talking about how everyone in your life is a reflection of how you see yourself. You have the same mindset and everything as everyone in your life. Well, in my old band (which is my brothers band now) everyone was very spiritual, but they were all extremely depressed and had some tuff demons on them. Plus they were into those hardcore drugs like meth and shit which brought their energy down a lot. So I decided that I didn’t want to be around that negative energy all the time so I had to move on with my life and try to better myself emotionally and spiritually. I did have the same mindset as them at the time because I was going through a really dark time, but as I started to become more spiritual and less depressed, they stayed the same and they weren’t helping me AT ALL. So I had to leave the band.
I know your wondering where I’m going with all of this, but it has a connection. I swear lol.
So I told my mom everything that happened with Bunny, and I’m so grateful that she was understanding about EVERYTHING and she told me I had to make the call on what I wanted to do, because it WAS my life in the end, and she will do nothing but support me until the end. So I got to thinking about how everyone is reflection of yourself, but If i’m trying to raise my vibrations, why am I stuck around these people with lower vibrations? And then I figured it out. My guides, and Jah are making sure this is exactly what I want to do.
Let me try to explain it better….Lets say I just broke up with my boyfriend because like the last 5 men I dated, he’s cheated on me, used me for money and sex, and played me like a dog. So I leave him and say “I never want to date men like that again. I’m done with pussy ass niggas who keep playin me.” But then this new guy comes along and I think he’s all great and fantastic, until he plays me exactly how the last 6 men treated me…. do you see where I’m going with this? God, Jah, Allah or whoever you want to call HIM wants to make sure your DONE with these people in your life before they can bring in that newer energy to you. But they have to make sure you are ready. So bunny was like an older man version of my old band members. Jah just wanted to make sure I was done with these lower vibrations for good, until he can bring me what I need to succeed. So I’m done with Bunny, and I DON’T need him in my life to get to where I want to be. He’s not that almighty to where he can do that! haha Only Jah, Allah, Buddha, God, whoever you want to call him can do it!!! So i’m really happy about my epiphany….Sorry if it was confusing though…lol Good night everyone (:

Reggae Rocking.

I didn’t go to school today. I have a good excuse for it though…I went to a concert and didn’t get home until midnight. lol I have to wake up EVERY morning at fucking 5 am. So I was like fuck that, I’m stayin home lol. But let me tell you about this concert…It was…interesting… haha
So Idk if you guys remember Bunny, He’s the guy that has been teaching me to play reggae and he started this band that he wants me to join. Our first concert concert is the end of May and i’m so fucking excited!! hehehe. Okay…back to the concert. So Bunny calls my dad at like 8pm and he’s like “Hey! Bring Irie to this club, I want her to play in the band!!” So my dad asks if I want to go and i’m like Hell Yes. haha so my mom takes me and we don’t get there until like 9:30. So we meet Bunny outside and the security guard is all like “Hey! Is she 21?” and i’m like “…Yes.” hahah cause its a 21+ club and I’m only 18. ahaaa. How awesome. My first time sneaking into a 21+ club and I’m with my mom….lol So we get inside and Bunny is immediately introducing me to EVERYONE!! I love it! Cause if I want to join the Reggae community then I have to meet everyone and have good contacts and shit. Soon we go backstage and no one’s in there but Bunny, me, and these two guys. We’re all talking and stuff then the two other guys start talking amongst themselves so bunny and I start talking. Its kind of hard to understand what he says cause he has a THICK Jamaican accent. So i’m just nodding and agreeing with what he was saying, when all of a sudden he was like “….And you want to get laid right?” and I like Wait. What the fuck? Did he just ask me if I wanted to get laid?? Homie is like 80 years old! The fuck do I look like to you?? So i say “…No.” and hes all surprised like “Really? You don’t” And I lie like a mother fucker i’m like “Not even a little bit.” I mean of course I want to have sex and shit, but not with an 80 year old. Bunny is like family to me… So he’s like…”Well later on in life right?” And I’m like… “Maybe.” and He’s like “You don’t even think dirty or nothing?” And at this point i’m like sitting as far away from him as possible and I’m just like What. The. Fuck. “No. I don’t.” I tell him. And so he tries to cover up and was like “Well, not dirttyy, but like, sex, and clean stuff.” And I’m liked dude you got me alllll fucked up if you think i’m gonna fuck you!!!!! So I’m like “no.” So he then changes the subject REAL fast and he’s like “If you want to get your mom, she can come backstage too.”  So I agree with him and he gets up and we walk out the back door into this hallway and he’s talking as we walk then he gets closer to me and he’s like “And you don’t want sex?” and I’m like duudddeee!!!!! “NO” I say and he finally is like “Okay.” So hes all like “go get your mom I’ll be back stage” I try calling her and she doesn’t answer. I call her like 5 time and nothing. And I get so mad at her cause what if I was getting raped or something?! It got me just so fucking mad! So I walked up to her and yelled at her for not answering her phone. I know I was just taking all my anger from Bunny out on her, but I couldn’t help myself. I didn’t tell her what Bunny asked me about sex and shit because I didn’t want her to go all ape shit. So I ended up staying with her until the band that was on stage finished their set. Then I told her about coming back stage with me and stuff and we went and there were more people backstage and Bunny introduced me to all of them, even Lady Reiko!!! I love her reggae band!!! They are pretty big in Vegas and They are reallyyy good!!! haha So Bunnys telling everyone I play Keyboard and shit and everyones all like “OMG I have to hear you play!!!!” Even Lady Reiko says shes starting an all female band and wants to know if I was interested!!! I was like HELL YES!!! haha That would be sooo sick if I got to be in her band!! haha Then this guy comes up to me and is like you wanna play with our band right now? And I’m like…”sure?” and hes like “good. cause we’re going on in like 5 minutes. Do you know any of these songs???” and i’m like WTF? You can’t just give me a list of songs to play without the notes!!! You think I’m Jesus or something?!?! haha So he was like “Ask Bunny to set up the keyboard so you can play.” So I thought that meant bunny was gonna play too, but Bunny didn’t play for that band. So I was just like …nahhh I can’t play with them and make them sound bad If I’m trying to figure out the chords onstage and making them sound bad! Thats unprofessional. Plus it was a medley and I don’t know when all their changes are and stuff. So I just sat with my mom on the couches and enjoyed the music. I wanted to stay for after their set so I could tell the guy why I couldn’t play with them, but my mom was getting tired so we asked Bunny if he would tell him for us…I hope he did. But Idk.

I don’t know if I should tell my parents what Bunny was asking me cause I love that Bunny is introducing me to everyone in the reggae community and he’s been helping me alot with getting my name out there cause he knows ALOT of people!! But idk… cause thats hella sketchy. You know? And I don’t want something to happen and i’m like well, shoulda coulda woulda. 

Something : The Beatles (Jim Sturgess cover)

I finally spoke to the mystery girl today :) It was lovely.

Prom

Alright guys so I have a huge dilemma. Prom…
As everyone knows prom is a huge deal for high school. But, I don’t know If I want to go…
This has been stressing me out for a while and I don’t even know what to do anymore. The reasons I would want to go is because this is my last year in high school and I would hate to be like 30, reminiscing on high school with my friends and they talk about how amazing prom was for them, and I have nothing to say because I never went. lol I also love getting dressed up and dolled up for stuff like this. 
The reasons I wouldn’t want to go is because it’s too much money, I would rather these hundreds of dollars be put in me going to college next year. I also don’t have a date, thats fucking lameeee. So if I did go I’d go with my friends and they’re all fucking lame. They don’t like to do anything that even might be considered sin. So I would seriously have no fun.
I hear prom sucks, but the after parties are what makes the night amazing…. well I don’t know where any of the parties are gonna be cause I don’t hang out with the party animals at my school. Plus the theme is Tim Burton. Yes, the director. He’s a cool guy or whatever, but for a prom theme? Hell no. I’d understand if it was fucking halloween party or something, but prom? HELLLL NO.
And I think my ‘best’ friend wants to go, but no one else wants to go with her, and I wouldn’t want her to miss out this high school experience just cause her friends don’t want to go, you know? But she’s the type of person who tries to please everyone, so she won’t tell you if she really wants to go, she’ll just go along with everyone and be really depressed inside. So I can’t tell if she really wants to go or not.  So Idk guys. Prom or no prom?

When I Sleep With You

When I Sleep With You.

Random shitty week.

I started going to the gym again!!!! OMG It feels fucking fantastic!!! I love exercising!! I had to stop going a couple months ago because my parents didn’t like taking me to the gym cause it took away from their ‘relax’ time. Even though the gym is seriously like 10 minutes away. And yes, I’m an 18 year old without a license…lame I know lol, But my parents don’t wanna teach me how to parallel park :/ ANYWAY lol… So I got so fed up that I just started running to the gym. And I love it! IDK why I didn’t think of it earlier cause It saves up a lot of time instead of doing it at the gym. It takes 45 minutes to jog there, but I don’t care. I love it! haha So thats all thats new with my life. Oh but yesterday my brother and I were biking it to the gym when my brother wanted to stop at a store to get some drinks. So I stayed outside to watch the bikes when I see my hot neighbor jogging toward the store. He looks at me and I’m like “Heyy” and he stops and he’s like “Hey you live next to ***** right??” and I had no Idea who those people were he was talking about but I was like “……Yes.” lol So then we started talking and I immediately was like “Yeah, I’m 18.” haha Cause he’s older than me and ya know ;) hahah Can’t have him thinking i’m under age. lol. So we start talking about high school and he told me he was a drop out cause he had to help his parents with money issues which is totally understandable, but now he wants to get his GED or diploma or whatever. Which is good too! haha then my brother comes out the store and the guy tells me he’ll talk to me later…which means I’ll see him again? Right?! mmm I hope so ;) hehehe So that was kinda the highlight of my week cause I was having a pretty crappy week. Don’t you hate stupid fucking teachers who only like bitching at you because they can? Seriously though, You do everything you can to please them, but the second you fuck up they are ON YOUR ASS. I fucking hate high school. Its SUCH a joke. So I think I’m gonna write a complaint about this teacher cause she’s been a bitch to everyone the whole year, but Idk.
So I stayed after school that same day I was pissed at my teacher and Bus Boy noticed I was upset, but I told him nothing was wrong. Even though he knew I was bullshitting he was like “Okay, where are you going right now?” and I was like “I’m gonna find some food,” I thought he was gonna be like, well let me walk with you, cause our school is in a really ghetto neighborhood, seriously hobos, prostitues, and crackheads EVERYWHERE. But he was just like “Okay i’ll text you later” and I was like whatever. haha then he left and I noticed he was hanging out with the hot lesbians at our school….no wonder he didn’t really want to go with me. He just wanted to get back with his lesbians. haha Not that I was mad, cause if he wanted to walk me there I would have said no cause I wanted to be by myself, but the thought is was counts you know? And he obviously had other things on his mind at that moment. haha So I walk to the nearest Starbuck and made it there with only getting hit on once, which is really good! haha Once I get there Bus Boy calls me and he’s like “Where are you?” and I tell him and he tells me he’s gonna meet me there. Once he comes over to me I’m making no effort to talk to him lol, so he just talks about himself the whole time!! So I just look around and people watch, not even paying attention to him. lol. I watch as this couple comes and sits down next to our table and the guy is being so charming and sweet to her, he even pulled out her fucking chair. What a hunk. haha they were laughing and having animated conversations the whole time and here I am listen to a boy who says he wishes his life were like Grand Theft Auto so he can just kill everyone. What The Fuck. Why can’t I have a relationship like the couple next to us?! hahah but what really did it for me with Bus Boy is when he said he wanted to get a tattoo of a Cross on his arm so for some people it could mean 666 and other people it means other stuff. And at that point I was like Lets fucking go before I choke your ass. You don’t get fucking tattoo’s so they mean stuff to other people. You get them for yourself!!! For your own likings!! You don’t try to please people with shit like that! I got so annoyed with him when he said that lol. So I just got up and was like “I’m leaving. You comin’ or not?” lol so he left with me. What an interesting week I had Indeed. 

Bob Marley : Mellow Mood

This song always puts me in an Irie mood.

Bless up :)

First Friday.

Alright guys. I have finally decided once and for all my feelings for Mr. Gemini (Aka bus boy). Today was a very interesting day, so I think I’ll tell you about my day before I get to talking about him. So there is this big event in our city called ‘First Friday’ which is when you have a bunch of people come out to see different bands play, all the cool art displayed, or maybe they just come for the food. Its a pretty big event here and TONS of people always show up. So this was Mr. Gemini’s first time going so I showed him around and stuff and I saw one of my guy friends there so he started walking around with us. Then Mr. Gemini was like “I’m gonna look for my friend, peace.” Then he just dips. and I’m like…What the fuck… lol So my guy friend and I start looking for my best friend and we finally found her, got something to eat and just chilled, watching people and cracking jokes. Then Mr. Gemini texts me and’s like “Yo, my friend has alcohol, you wanna join in??” and I’m like HELL YESS!! haha but my best friend is like super christian and doesn’t do any of that shit. So I didn’t wanna leave her and be rude, so I told him “Maybe later.” So we keep walking around and we run into the bass player in my brothers band!! And he was high as fuckkkkk!!! hahaha So we walk with him and run into more people. Then my best friend goes to find her boo thang so I leave her alone so they can have some alone time. So I just roamed the area by myself and just people watched. It was interesting. Then I met up with the bass player in my brothers band again and we walked around and we ran into Bunny!!! He’s this old guy who plays keyboard in all these different reggae bands…he even played with Bob Marley!!!! He’s not bunny wailer if thats what your thinking lol He’s hella tight though! He gives me reggae keyboard lessons every now and then and he wants me to be in his band!! haha So we talk to Bunny and he says the other band he’s in right now is playing soon, I absolutly love his other band! They play reggae/hawaiian reggae and they are sooooo sick!!! haha So we tell him we’re gonna catch up with him later and we keep walking. Then I remembered Mr. Gemini had alcohol so I asked if me and the bass player could go drink with him, and he’s all “Oh, my friend doesn’t want alot of people over here with us.” and I’m like wtf…its just 2 people. So i just say “alright cool.” and he’s like “Well if it was just you, that would be fine, sorry though.” I don’t even reply. Thats fucked up. He’s friends with the bass player! They’re in the same band for Jesus sakes!! Idk what his problem was. So we just go chill and we meet up with my best friend and her boo thang and soon Mr. Gemini find his way to us with his friends too. So we all just talk and chill. Soon my best friends boo thang says he has to go so she walks him to the bus stop. I stay with the bass player, Mr. Gemini, and his friends and they all get up and start dancing like they’re mental or something. lol My best friend comes back and she’s grinning sooo hard. She’s like “I KISSED HIM!!!!” I was like “OMFG!!!!” (cause this was their first kiss since they’ve been going out.) So we scream in pure bliss and I tell her I’ll buy us both some Ice Cream to celebrate!! So we leave the group and we get some frozen yogurt. Then my best friend says she has to go to the bathroom so I tell her to go inside one of the art gallery bathroom and I’ll wait outside for you. So I’m standing outside when this guy walks by me and looks at me, then does a double take and he’s like “heyy” and I’m like “haayy” lol Then he asks me what I’m here for and I tell him about Bunny’s band playing and he’s all like ‘thats cool’ and shit. And we get to talking and he was very cool and cute haha. Then my best friend comes out the bathroom and I’m still talking to this guy so then the guy’s like “Hey,  do you think I could have your number?” And I’m like “Of course” haha So we exchange number and while we do he makes a joke about me giving him a fake number and shit, it was funny. Then he leaves and my best friend and I are just SO fucking happy!! Both of us got some action tonight!!! hahaha So we go to see Bunny’s band preform and they we’re SO FUCKING SICK!!! They killed it!!!!! They played some Damian Marley, some J-Boog, and some originals it was just fucking crazy!! hahaha After the show everyone leaves, so I go to look for Mr. Gemini cause he’s gonna spend the night at my house cause he’s fucking drunk. So we walk to 7-11 where we’re meeting my cousin so he can pick us up. Well while we’re waiting these black guys pull up to the 7-11. And one of the guys is just being very ignorant and ghetto and is smash talking all the hispanic people and shit. Then he see’s me and he’s like “Aye ma.” and I’m like omggg… haha “heyy” and he asks Mr. Gemini “Ayee is this yo girl??” And Mr. Gemini looks at me then puts his head down. “Nooo” And I’m like WTF You say Yes in these kinda situations!!!! So the black guy walks up extremly close to me and he’s like “Whatchu doing?” And i”m like “Waiting for my ride.” and he laughs and he’s like “Aye, you needa stop hangin out with these pussy niggas who ain’t eatin!!! You to pretty to not be!! Shit Ima real nigga and I be EATIN!!!” I swear thats exactly what he said word for word. WTF does eatin mean??? Does he mean eating the pussy?? Or does he mean make money?? Idk but it was extremely ignorant. I just ignored him and he finally walked away and they all left. Then Mr. Gemini was like “Were you scared of him??” And I was like “No.” I really wasn’t scared. I knew he wasn’t gonna do anything to me. He was just being stupid. So Mr. Gemini says “Well I was really scared.” And I was like wtf??? hahah So he adds “Why weren’t you scared??” And I’m like “Cause that kinda shit happens to me all the time.” Which it does. I get hit on by stupid black guys alllll the time lol. I guess cause I’m black they think its okay, but its not. Like at all. But after Mr. Gemini said that i was like okay this guy is a pussy nigga haha. like the black guy worded ‘he ain’t eatin!!!’ lol But seriously. If he couldn’t stand up for me in those types of situations, I could never expect him too. So my final decision is…. I don’t like him. Seriously. He’s to young for me, he’s stupidly immature, and he he just wants me for my body. I just know it. So I’m not gonna waist my time on him. I don’t like younger guys anyway. So I think I’ll give this new guy a chance. He’s definitely 21 or over cause he was drinking beer ;) I loveee older guys hahah. Not in a creepy way…

Every. time.

Would it be extremely heartless of me to stop liking someone after I find out they like me?? Every. Single. Fucking. Time. Every time I like someone and they admit to liking me back I soon lose interest in them. Like Immediately. Idk whats wrong with me, but thats exactly how it is. I find flirting and the chase of liking someone more appealing then an actual relationship. Is that weird? I don’t know if its that I’m terrified of relationships, or if I’m just being heartless, or maybe I just like the challenge of getting something I know I can’t have. Its not like I tell them I like them then stop liking them after they admit it back. I just wait until they tell me they like me then I just stop liking them and I never admit to liking them in the first place. 
Well, I think Mr. Gemini (aka bus boy) admitted to liking me, well not really, his friend did… 

I was at soccer club, having a grand ol’ time when I see Mr. Gemini and his friend walking over to the soccer field. Sometimes Mr. Gemini plays soccer with us, so I never really thought anything of it until he calls me over and he’s like How are you doing and shit then he introduces me to his friend …lets call him ‘K’. So Mr. Gemini asks if I have water and I say yes, so I just leave in the middle of my game to go get my water and he and his friend follow me. We all sit down and Mr. Gemini tells me that his friend ‘K’ is in a band. And I’m all like “Woah thats cool. What kinda genre do you play?” And he’s like “Its like Post alternative- indie” or something like that. And I’m like oh cool. So he’s like ‘yeah we’re playing at ***** tomorrow.”  And I’m like “Oh i’m planning on going there tomorrow!!” And he’s like “Oh cool! You should hang out with us! Do you drink?” And I’m like the fuck kinda question is that?! “Of course I do” haha and he’s like “Cool, you should definitely chill with us then!” And Mr. Gemini is like “Do you think you could give me a ride?” And I’m like “Or course.” And his friend was like “Omg, you guys should go together! But theres only gonna be couples there… So you guys should go… you know… as an ‘unofficial’ couple!” And i’m like the fuck?? haha I didn’t know we were any kind of ‘fficial’ But i’m like “Yeah…sure” haha and his friend is like “Don’t you think that would be great if you too went together? I mean…he is hot don’t you think so??” And at this point i’m like..this guy is a great wingman haha but I say “Oh, yeah….hes a hunk” hahaha totally sarcastic too. So his friend says “Yeah, I know ALOT of girls who thinks he’s hot and likes him too…but he only likes one girl.” and when he says this he looks right in my eye and smiles like YOU KNOW WHO I’M TALKIN BOUT!!! So i just kinda laugh and say “….Thats cool.” Totally awkward. lol Then after that we stop talking about Mr. Gemini and I going together and we start talking about the different alcohol he was gonna have there, guess who changed the subject too? I’m so good at doing that ;) hahaha So, yeah idk… do I like him, or don’t I?? Omg why am I THE most confusing person in the world?? Whatever, we’ll just have to find out tomorrow how I really feel….